The most effective prevention happens before a child is harmed. That’s where the real opportunity lies. Kids are immediately safer when adults take the time to get accurate information about sexual abuse and the behaviors that suggest a problem; when every adult makes a commitment to share this information and speak up as soon as they have a concern—rather than waiting for certain evidence of harm. Here are some things that you and your family can do to protect kids from sexual abuse, beginning today. Adults need to:

Take Responsibility

• Watch for any inappropriate behaviors in other adults or older youth because children, especially young ones, are not as able to recognize these behaviors or to protect themselves.

• Stay attuned to your children’s use of technology – Internet, email, instant messaging, webcam use, peer-to-peer and social networking sites, and cell use, including photo exchanges. Model safe choices and behavior. The illusion of anonymity on these electronic mediums often leads to a breakdown of social rules and expectations that would be assumed if the interactions were face-to-face. Whenever possible, keep the interactions visible and public. Kids and even adults can easily stumble into inappropriate or even dangerous situations and exchanges. Educate yourself. Establish clear, firm guidelines and stick to them.

• Show in your own life how to say “no.” Teach your children that their “no” will be respected, whether it’s in playing or tickling or hugging and kissing. For instance, if your child does not want to give Grandma a kiss, let the child shake hands instead. And, make sure Grandma understands why this is important for the safety of the child.

• Set and respect family boundaries. All members of the family have rights to privacy in dressing, bathing, sleeping, and other personal activities. If anyone does not respect these rights, an adult should clearly tell them the family rules.

• Speak up when you see any inappropriate behaviors. Interrupt and talk with whomever is making you uncomfortable in a situation or with someone in a position to intervene. They may need help to stop these behaviors.

• Report anything you know or suspect might be sexual abuse. If nobody speaks up, the abuse will not stop.

Learn, Teach, and Practice

• Practice talking with other adults about difficult topics. Say the words out loud so that you become more comfortable using the words, asking questions, and confronting behaviors.

• Practice talking with both the adults and children in your life about their difficult issues to get them in the habit of talking with you. Show them that you will listen to anything they have to say, even if they talk about something embarrassing or something they’ve done wrong.

• Use the proper names of body parts. Just as you teach your children that a nose is a nose, they need to know what to call their genitals. This knowledge gives children correct language for understanding their bodies, for asking questions that need to be asked, and for telling about any behavior that could lead to sexual abuse.

• Be clear with adults and children about the difference between okay touch and touch that is not okay. For younger children, teach more concrete rules such as “talk with me if anyone — family, friend, or anyone else —touches your private parts.” Also teach kids that it is not okay to use manipulation or control to touch someone else’s body.

• Explain the difference between a secret and a surprise to the adults and children you knowand show them how secrets may make kids unsafe. Surprises are joyful and generate excitement in anticipation of being revealed after a short period of time. Secrets exclude others, often because the information will create upset or anger. When keeping secrets with just one person becomes routine, children are more vulnerable to abuse.

• Make it clear that children will be supported when they request privacy or say “no” to an activity or a kind of touch that makes them uncomfortable.

• Give kids permission to tell anyone they trust if they feel scared, uncomfortable or confused about someone’s behavior toward them.

Make a Plan

• Create a family safety plan that is clear to everyone and easy to follow. Make sure that as adults, you know how to challenge each other when you see any inappropriate behaviors. List who to talk with when you see something you are unsure about and who to call if you believe there is a need to report sexual abuse. Teach the children about what to do and who to talk with if they are sexually threatened or touched by someone.

• Make a list of people and organizations you can call for advice, information, and help Even if you do not have children of your own, you can be a resource about how to report and how to get help for everyone involved. If you know that a child has been sexually abused, be sure to get help for the child quickly, so the harm can be healed.

Real prevention builds your confidence that you have the power and knowledge to keep your kids safe. Remember, the most effective prevention involves actions you take before any abuse occurs. Prevention can start in your home today.